About Meanness

I hate mean people.

I hate them so much to the extend that I will definitely become one (thus contradicting myself) when I happen to meet them. 

One reason is that I was being treated meanly quite often during my teen days.

AIESEC

That is also the reason why I was so into AIESEC when I was in undergraduate study.

It was one of the rare place[1] where majority of the people were trying hard not to be mean, and you can shun someone if he/she happens to be one. 

There was this infectious organisational culture which everyone loves to say "Let's ensure everyone has a fair share", or "Make sure that no one is being left out". In fact, the culture was so ingrained that it became a mantra to say so and an obligation to act so.[2] 

In local social groups, the minority stopped attempting to voice out as most of their past attempts have been overshadowed by the majority. Here, the minority have an unusually high probability getting heard. In fact, it would be a misnomer to use the word “minority” in AIESEC, the distinction is redundant.

Also, under the banner of the institution’s name, we could always cite 'rules/structures/plans' even in pure social occasions. For example, if some sub-groups of friends happened to flock together during dinner, someone could suggest switching seats in the middle of dinner citing the aim of “adding diversity” or “making new friends”, and chances are there would no objections, some would even commend it as “great idea!”. If you do that in a local social group, you might get labelled as "nerd", "weirdo”, “too much” or even “he/she wants to show off”.[3]

Real World

That's also why I am fanatic about Startups. That's a rare "industry" which hardwork almost guarantees progress and achievements. There is very little room to rent-seek or hide to work on “looking good” instead of being good, as compared to "too-big-to-fail" nepotic institutions.[4] 

Direction

That's the end goal I want to strive for no matter what I would be doing in the future. Good values, honesty, sincerity, meritocracy, generousity, empathy, and humanity. 

Sorry mean people, I am not going to tolerate the intolerable. I am going to be mean to you, ironically, because your meanness deserves it. And more importantly, the people who are not mean needs our protection.

Post Script
Recently an old friend told me that 5 years ago there were a few occasions where I ignored him or I just asked him to shut up when he wanted to talk to me enthusiastically. I was shocked as I couldn't recall any memory of that. I hope that he accepts my 5-year-late apology. It also made me realising that most of the times we would not realise our meanness when we happened to be, while the listeners suffered it insurmountably.

I understand that it is hard to take care of everyone's feelings, and we would not want to be timid or reserved to correct others when they have done something inherently wrong. But the general goal we would want to strive for is to avoid statements like

"Why are you so stupid?"
"Why do you look that weird?"
"You are so childish"
"Stop eating please you are so fat already"

Those are epitomes of meanness. The general direction we want to strive for is “honest opinions supported by strong facts and evidence”. Or even better, supply constructive suggestions that really help. Or even the best, speak only when it truly matters.

Notes

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[1] I found that a few faculty-based clubs and societies are pretty decent and people inside worked hard to grow together. Generally, the more local a group is, and the more aimless it is (for example, random social groups have no formal aims or missions), there is a higher chance for meanness to appear as there are very little things to tie them together.

[2] I am aware that some of them quitted AIESEC because they were being treated badly. I can’t speak for others, at least in the teams I was in, the people were 95% wonderful, especially during my first two years when I was still a junior and young guy with little experiences.

[3] Now looking back I feel that it was a huge mistake for not aggressively persuading my other friends to join AIESEC. I was too concerned on being neutral and was trying to be “not annoying”.

[4] I am not in the Startup communities. But I follow Paul Graham, Y-Combinator, Peter Thiel, Ben Horowitz etc. closely. So I might be wrong by just observing sheerly from the outset.