Only things that you have seen are really real. Hearsays are not

Bizarre Past
It's so bizarre that in my life I have never even attempted for even once at all for a serious athletic/sports competition (especially football/badminton/dota) because i believed the anecdote that I am bad that's why I shouldn't join. I shouldn't join because I will not win, I will lose.

I should join and I will lose are two totally different concepts.
I should join ≠ I should win.
I can join and lose at the same time. 
It's a clear choice! But all of us will not join something when we think that we will lose it. No one mandates you to not lose when you join something! Losing is a freedom same as joining!

So far in my life I can comfort myself that I have joined many times (9) super mini scale competitions with less than 5 competitors! It's like you can tell people "I am no.5" when they ask you how was the competition (When the truth is that there were only 5 participants)

I have never attempted any serious competition that will scare me or embarass me that will force me to train really hard and get heartbreak when I lose. What a waste.


The 10-year-old me who was fanatical on sports meets me and asks:
"Hey the 26-year-old me! I saw that you didn't work hard to become better in sports! Why?!"

I will answer:
"Because I'm bad in sports, I am just not good"

Then he will continue asking:  
"What's the evidence/proof that you are bad in sports?"

The best answer is:
"I have lost in Competition X, Contest Y and Game Z, those are solid proof you see! I tried and I lost so painfully!".
But I can't answer so because I have never joined any.

I can only say:
"Oh, because I think so"
("I think that I am not good" is not even an evidence, it's just an opinion! WTF!)


Future
I really will regret if in the rest of my life I continue the same mistake of not seriously committing and competing once in any  athletic/sports competition that will scare and embarass me. I must figure a way and do it before 40 years old. Those lame shit company or mini competition among friends don't count.

It must be something more than 20 competitors and involved registration fees and crowds big enough so that there are stakes that put me into serious training and make me stressful enough

I don't care if I am too old or I am going to compete against youngster who have 100% chance winning against me. Even playing a game that has 100% chance of losing will be so beneficial, I can see how people beat me effortlessly I can see how good they are and I can at least witness that right in front of me. That is so beneficial. People always say "This XXX MMR player how good he is", but I will never truly feel how good he is until he is embarassing me right in front of me ruthlessly. And by that I will feel so pain enough to learn so vividly.

I just want to know how and what "good dota player/good football player/good badminton player" really is. I want to see it myself right in front of me, not as a spectator but as a player. I can't imagine that until the day that I die I have never seen/witness/verify it myself and I just listen to what other people say (dogmatic conventional hearsay wisdom). What the hell. 

My goal is not to win the competition and beat the best young age player, my goal is to improve largely so that:
- I can beat the best player at my old age (Class C), and
- I can beat all the mediocre players who are at best young age (Class C)

I can't even do either one of them! Though I have no more chances to beat the best young age player (Class A), beating all Class C people = winning gold medals = happiest thing ever for me

The problem is I have never even attempted at all to beat Class C people in my whole life. I just gave up. Wtf?