Wonderfully dark life

I did not buy insurance.
I don't have one.

And this excited many insurance agents as I am the rare breed that can be their potential client.
The most common pitch I received is: "Imagine you suddenly contracted certain disease and you are lying on deathbed but you have no money, how will you feel? You are going to die, don't you afraid?You should protect yourself, start from now."

This statement is made based on one big assumption: "The longer life is, the better it is." or, "We must live as long as possible."
What if we question it by thinking the opposite?

What if I think, my life has already completed and I don't need more of them?
I have lived for 25 years. I have done many wonderful things. I am born under two lovely parents, I played so many video games and sports, I scored so well in exams. I had wonderful university life. I had been to many many countries. I am able to explore so many knowledge and parts of the universe.
I have had enough.

Because of all the wonderful things I have had, every next second is no longer a necessity.
Every single next second is a bonus itself. It's an addition, just like icing on a cake.

In fact, the fact that I was born is already itself the biggest lottery granted to me.
We all took our own birth for granted. We have no control on our birth. It just happened like that. No one is responsible for our birth, even our parents.
Why do we think that we should be born into this world? No. We don't deserve to be born.
No one is responsible and no one owes us our birth. No one says or promises us that we must be given a life.

Some may argue that my thoughts above are lunatic as it resembles nihilism and existential crisis.
It sounds so depressing and it makes life so dark and so meaningless.
I would argue the opposite: By accepting that life is meaningless, accepting that death is necessary, accepting that I am nothing, accepting that my life has already completed, accepting that I don't have to live longer, accepting that I am ready to die anytime, my life will become better.

Understanding that life is meaningless, I would work harder to create meaning. Understanding that my life has already completed and it can be ended anytime, I would treat every single additional day as a bonus to live free without shackle.
I am ready to die doesn't mean I am going to die. "I am ready to die" will make me stop thinking about not dying and live now.

People with depression seems problematic not because of their depression. Their biggest problem is their anxiety towards depression. They are not depressed, they are anxious about their depression.
They are depressed because they think that by default life should have a meaning. They think 'meaning' should be the status quo. They keep finding it and they can't find it, so they feel sad.

What if the opposite is the real default? Life itself is meaningless. 'Meaningless' is the status quo. Life is supposed to be meaningless. Why would you feel sad for having nothing when what you should have is nothing itself? You won't feel sad for having no meaning because it is what it should be.
Depression should be our default mode, and any new colours are additional bonuses. Our world reversed it, our civilisation made colours as default mode and depression as some crazy anomaly which everyone is paranoid about.

I buy insurance because I want a longer life for the sake of prolonging it.
I buy insurance because I think I can try prolonging my life so that I can have a little more time doing some wonderful things.
There is a stark difference between two. The first one is "It's a must buy". The second is "It's damn great to buy. But if I really can't, it's ok."
They sound like the same. But at dire moment, the first will freak your amygdaelae while the second is a serene breeze. The first is intense unhappiness and the regret feeling we hate so much. The second is tranqulity.

"You must buy an insurance. Life is precious! Don't you want to live longer?"
"It is because life is precious that's why I don't want to live too long. Prolonging life will make life less precious"
Don't feel sad for dying, in fact feel happy for completing life.
I am ready to die anytime. I am not afraid.